So I was delighted when I asked somebody if they remembered a film called The Flight of Dragons, and they said yes.  I asked several people, in fact, and they all said yes.  My brother, my sister, friends from University, random people I met in a biker’s pub in Sheffield (because, why wouldn’t a load of northern heavy-metal bikers be into a kids’ cartoon movie?), everybody seemed to have seen this film.

The more people I asked about it, the more we discussed it.  The more we discussed it, the more stuff we were able to remember about it.  Stuff like: didn’t Don McLean write and perform the song at the start? or wasn’t there a Chinese dude who was obsessed with stating the obvious (“the thing about logic is, it’s so logical”)?

So, considering the fact that basically everybody in the world knew about this film - why was it so sodding difficult to track down?  The film had been on TV every Christmas from when I was 2 years old to when I was about 6.  Then it just stopped being shown.  The best I can figure is this, some TV exec was scouting my house out, and the very minute that he watched my mother tape over it for an episode of Flying Doctors (or some such) he said “quick, erase our copies of Flight of Dragons, I NEVER want that to be shown again”.

I spent quite a lot of time trying to find a copy, looking at dealers, car-boot sales, checking the internet, phoning random ‘cartoon fanboys’.  Nobody had it.  Then one day I received a call from my Dad (at this point I’m 21) saying “Just found that film you wanted, it’s in Woolworths for £2.  You want it?”

Bloody Woolworths!!!!!

It turns out they’d decided to re-release it on VHS with a brand spanking new (and also brand-spanking shite…I know that doesn’t work, but go with it) cover.  Of course, two days after I was able to get my copy it was everywhere I looked.  I’m only surprised I didn’t see that same TV Exec stood in the middle of Sheffield yelling “get your free copy of Flight of Dragons right here people” and lobbing tapes out into the screaming masses.

So - what’s it all about then?

Read on...........

Well, before we go into it, it’s worth a mention that this film is based on two (count ‘em) books:  Firstly, the plot comes from a novel by Gordon R. Dickson called The Dragon and the George, whilst the title - and some of the scientific discussion which is crowbarred into the movie - are lifted from the book/thesis entitled The Flight of Dragons which was written by a fellow named Peter Dickinson (fans of the film may recognise the name as that of the lead character).

There are plenty of reasons to like this film.  First up, it’s actually a great story.  I’m a huge fan of the late Gordon R. Dickson’s Dragon and the George (although I’ve never got around to reading the rest of the Dragon Knight series which he picked up in the 90s).

Secondly, the cast is just awesome.  With the lead roles taken by: John Ritter, James Earl Jones, Victor Buono (that’s King Tut to you and I), Harry Morgan (AKA Col. Sherman T. Potter from M*A*S*H), Don Messick and many more.

Yet another reason to like this film is that not only did Don McLean write and perform the theme music to The Flight of Dragons, but he also completely forgot that he had recorded it, denied all ‘rumours’ that he did, and then - after a decade or so - remembered that he did do it after all.  You’ve got to love that man.

The plot of the film actually varies from that of the book slightly (and is slightly worse for it) but is enjoyable nonetheless.

The film is set in a world where Magic is dying.  It is being crushed by logic, and reason.  As more people start to see things in a scientific manner, so the powers of magic dwindle accordingly.  The Green Wizard, Carolinus (Harry Morgan), therefore organises a meeting involving himself and his three brothers: Solarius, the Blue Wizard, Lo Tae Shao, the Golden Wizard (both voiced by Don Messick) and, finally, the Red Wizard, Ommadon.

At this point I should point out that Ommadon is probably the biggest reason why this film is good.  Firstly, because he’s a right Evil so-and-so.  He really is a terrific fantasy villain.  Secondly, and more importantly, because his voice is provided by James Earl Jones. 

Some people have actually suggested that, in their opinion, his performance as Ommadon is actually better than his turn as Darth Vader in the Star Wars movies (!!!)  This is clearly a load of rubbish…although I suppose there’s argument to suggest that you’re only as strong as your last performance, and as Vader’s last outing was:

“Padme, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

then I guess there could even be argument to suggest that his turn as The Toilet in According to Jim was probably better.

So the four magic brothers meet and three of them agree that with the arrival of ‘man’ (along with science, logic and reason) the ways of Magic will soon be lost forever.  They decree that the way forward is to create a new Magical Realm that lives somewhere between our (real) world and this other kingdom.  This will, however, mean that in the Real world, magic will be hidden forever.

One of the brother’s, however (and no prizes for guessing which one), instead decides that instead of just accepting their fate and saying ‘cheerio’ to their home, he’ll instead use his magic to teach man how ‘great’ science can be - he proposes to teach man how to build bulldozers for destroying forests, he will teach them greed and he will teach them how to build the atomic bomb, so that we destroy ourselves and the world is once more free for his magic.  Like I said: “he’s a right Evil so-and-so”.

The other (non-evil) brothers decide that they need to stop Ommadon the only way they know how.  By stealing the source of all of his power, which happens to be the red crown which currently resides on Ommadon’s gnarled head.

We know that the crown is his source of power because when he leaves the meeting with his brothers he screams that they will never stop him whilst he wears his red crown.  Then he disappears in a huge flash of blinding light which shifts and flickers into the form of….yup, a giant red crown.  Carolinus then makes the instinctive leap that to stop him there needs to be a magical quest to capture…”The Red Crown of Ommadon” (seriously).

The first part of Ommadon’s plan for world domination is put into place, and he uses his dark magic to capture the heart and minds of (almost) all of the dragons in the realm.  With all of the dragons fighting for his evil cause, there is practically nothing that can stand in his way.

After much thought on Carolinus’ part, a band of heroes is brought together.  The fellowship initially consists of the only two dragons in the realm who haven’t joined Ommadon’s cause (Smyrgol and Gorbash) and a knight named Sir Orrin Neville Smythe (Bob McFadden - otherwise known as Snarf from The Thundercats).  Sadly though, they’re lacking a leader - and some magical force (The Limpid Pool of Time) informs Carolinus that the leader he needs is a man of science named Peter Dickinson (voiced by the, late, brilliant John Ritter).

Dickinson is a “dragon nut” who creates games and writes books (a book named The Flight of Dragons to be specific, confusingly enough they’re actually basing the character Peter Dickinson on the real life author of The Flight of Dragons).  In addition to this, the character Dickinson is also a highly irritating, feckless and smug sod who is probably the biggest turn-off in this film.  Which is a shame because it really is a waste of Ritter’s supreme talents.
To cut a long story short, Dickinson reluctantly accepts his quest, falls in love with Carolinus’ daughter, Princess Melisande, and is captured by Ommadon’s (evil) dragon, Bryaugh.  This all happens in the space of about 5 minutes.

One of Carolinus’ dragons (Gorbash) attempts to rescue Dickinson, whilst Carolinus casts a spell to teleport him from Bryaugh’s claws into the relative safety of his castle.  Unfortunately, as magic in the realm is becoming weakened and unpredictable, instead of rescuing Dickinson, it merely merges him with Gorbash.  So we’re left with Dickinson’s mind trapped inside the body of a dragon.

The next portion of the film involves another dragon, the kindly old Smyrgol, teaching Dickinson how to use his new dragon-body.  This part of the film might as well have been lifted from the real-life Peter Dickinson’s book, which attempts to use science to prove that the existence of dragons is just as plausible as their non-existence.   As a 3-5 year old I probably wasn’t that interested in this bit.  I found, though, that as a 23 - 25 year old I wasn’t that interested in this bit.  So moving on…

The quest must continue and the dragons and Sir Orin go after the Red Crown, picking up some other good guys along the way.  These include Giles of the Treetops, Danielle, and the wolf Arak, the latter being the last role that Victor Buono would ever play.

They fight against Sand Merks, an Ogre, and a Giant Worm along their way to Ommadon’s lair.  It’s all inspiring stuff, and the band of friends grows closer and stronger along the way (hurrah).  Sadly though, tragedy strikes during their journey.

It happens when they come across the Ogre of Gormley Keep (he’s an Ogre who lives…well you get the idea). 

Fact: Only a dragon can take out an ogre.  You can take that to the bank - Dragon beats Ogre.  Think of it a bit like ‘Paper, Scissors Stone’ (also known as ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ if you’re wrong).

Luckily for our fellowship, they have not one but two dragons in their party.  Smyrgol’s a little old and tired though, which means it’s up to Peter Dickinson (in Gorbash’s dragon-body) to beat the Ogre.  Now I need to point out that, at this point in the movie, I’d already grown to dislike Dickinson.  He’s smug.  Really smug in fact.  He constantly insists on reciting science and just arguing with everything that anybody in this magical kingdom tells him - and it gets very annoying.  Thankfully though, he’s been granted an opportunity to redeem himself.  Very clever: he’s going to beat the Ogre - thanks to some advice from good old Smyrgol (who we like) - and ensure that the quest continues.  Thus making the audience think “okay, so he’s a boring, pompous toad - but he sure gave that Ogre a hiding…"


..........WRONG"

Instead what he does is ignores every single piece of advice given to him by Smyrgol and gets himself into a position whereby the Ogre is crushing his bones.  Fine.  Let him die for all I care.  He had his chance and he blew it.  Besides, the quest only needs one dragon, and they have a much better one in Smyrgol.  Dickinson should allow the Ogre to kill him and then, whilst it’s eating his body, the others can escape - and he will still have achieved something.  BUT NO.  Smyrgol, being the bally hero that he is, rushes in and saves Dickinson’s life, fights the Ogre and kills it.  Sadly, however, the effort of killing the Ogre takes its toll on poor Smyrgol’s heart, and he dies on the roof of Gormley Keep.

Thanks a lot Dickinson!  Once more ruining it for everyone like the big ruining berk that you are.

So, the quest moves on and our band of heroes leave poor old Smyrgol’s body at the scene of his last, and most important, triumph.  Next to the body of an Ogre who should, by rights, have been bashing Dickinson’s science-filled head against a rock.  Oh, and it’s peeing it down too.

The remaining band of heroes (and Dickinson) battle against many foes until they are eventually confronted by Ommadon’s vast army of dragons.  You’d be forgiven for thinking that the good guys are screwed at this point.  Luckily, Giles of the Treetops just so happens to have a magic flute, called the Flute of Olympus, on which he plays a delightful melody which sends all of the dragons to sleep.  Well, with one notable exception anyway: Bryaugh is still awake.  The fact that he’s actually a powerful and useful dragon has meant that the Flute’s magic spell left him untouched.

So that paves the way for a fight between Bryaugh and Dickinson.  Finally, Dickinson can do something useful and prove that Smyrgol was right to sacrifice himself so that Dickinson can live.  Except, hang on a moment, the flute’s magic spell was only immune to powerful and useful dragons, thus Dickinson is sound asleep.  Once more leaving everybody else to do his work for him.

The remaining heroes attack Bryaugh, and are quickly disposed of.  In a matter of moments, Danielle, Arak and Giles are all dead.  Leaving just Sir Orin to take down the enormous dragon.  After a valiant battle, Bryaugh roasts Sir Orin in his suit of armour by breathing fire on him - but in his dying moments Sir Orin launches his (now boiling hot) sword into the chest of Bryaugh, where it tears through his flesh and pierces his heart.  Both knight and dragon drop to the floor dead

Out of nowhere appears Ommadon.  Laughing at the dead, and their futile attempts to stop him.  His laughter is interrupted, though, by the voice of Dickinson who now stands before Ommadon in his own body.  Having failed to actually do anything of note whilst using a dragon’s body, you’d be forgiven for thinking that he’s going to be even more useless in his own weedy form. 

Now at this point I want to just say that I have never liked the ending to The Flight of Dragons.  I thought it was poor when I was 5, and I think so now.

Ommadon wants to know how Dickinson broke the merging spell.  The answer is that he just thought “two things can not occupy the same place at the same time”.  Of course, the answer to magic - as we were told right at the beginning of the film, is logic and reason.  Dickinson informs Ommadon that “logic is stronger than magic”, which annoys the heck out of Ommadon, who proceeds to turn into a giant freak with six dragon-heads protruding from his body (pictured right).

There then follows a, truly rubbish, ‘battle’ between Ommadon and Dickinson.  It basically consists of Ommadon threatening to do something magic and powerful, and Dickinson claiming that it is impossible, and backing this up with science.  Each time he says something scientific, one of Ommadon’s heads explodes.

It starts off well enough, with Ommadon claiming to be able to do anything, including reaching out and grabbing the sun, and Dickinson explaining that it’s impossible as what he would be reaching out for would no longer be in that position.  “Any schoolboy knows that light travels at 186,300 miles per second.  What you currently see is the sun’s position 8 and a half minutes ago”.  Well this, understandably, baffles Ommadon and *bang* there goes one of his heads.

I don’t really like the way that this battle goes, but at least it kind of makes sense.  However, the scriptwriters clearly ran out of dialogue and eventually, instead of actually using science to negate the claims and powers of Ommadon, Dickinson just starts spouting random scientific facts.

Dickinson:  A body in motion tends to stay in motion, protons have 1,832 times the mass of electrons
*BANG* another head gone.
Dickinson: Light is refracted as it goes from one medium to another
*BANG* and another, and another, and…..
Dickinson: Gravity varies as to the inverse square of the distance, velocity of light is equal to the wavelength times the frequency of vibrations
*BANG*
Dickinson: The geometrical properties of the space, time, continuum are determined by the masses present in space and time.

All of Ommadon’s dragon-heads are now gone and Ommadon is clearly in pain.  As am I after all that.  Sadly, Dickinson isn’t done.

Dickinson: Algebra, anatomy, astronomy, biology, chemistry, geology, geometry, mathematics, meteorology, mirrorology, oceanography, paleontology, physics, psychology, sociology…

And Ommadon dies.  Probably the only time in recorded history that a hero has actually defeated a villain by boring him to death.

As Ommadon turns to dust, and Dickinson picks up the Red Crown, all of Ommadon’s evil deeds are undone.  The grass grows, the dragons wake up - the spell cast on them broken - and the deceased heroes come back to life.  Well, all except Smyrgol.  That part of Dickinson’s legacy remains.

Dickinson then leaves, returning to the ‘real’ world.  Carolinus and all of his magical chums vanish to the magic kingdom, to be forgotten about forever, and Princess Melisande makes the craziest, most ill-thought-out decision of her young life by deciding to actually leave behind everybody she loves, and follow Dickinson into his world, to spend the rest of her life with him.

And here ends the movie.

Despite the ending, and the high irritation-factor of Dickinson, I still love this movie.  I always have and I probably always will.  Ommadon is one of the best ‘kids movie’ baddies that I think there has ever been, largely as a result of James Earl Jones’ sublime voicing.

Though not as good as the novel The Dragon and the George, this is still a great film and I can only hope that they release it on DVD soon because my VHS copy isn’t great and I intend to be watching this film right into my dotage.

Oh and just a reminder for Don..

Matthew Waldram